What will kill me today?

Morbid start I know, but hear me out.

I was watching an episode of Greys Anatomy where a woman believed she had stomach cancer - because she had all the symptoms according to an online diagnostic tool.

She didn't. She had bought some antibiotics online that made her sick. But that's not the point here.

The point is - she talked about the fact that there are 1000 things a day that can kill you. When I saw that, I had a little cry. Because its true! I feel that way ALL the time - not so much about me. More about my kids. Let's face it - we are universally destroying this planet. Whats it going to be like for our kids? If there are a 1000 things potentially waiting to kill us now, how many when they grow up?? I am constantly stressed about what could kill me and leave the kids without me - what could kill them... what could kill my husband... I am actually terrified of him driving to work each day. How ridiculous is that?!

Ok - this is dark - and I know it, but I also know i am not the only person who feels it.

All this is stemming from the fact that my mother is forcing me to go to the doctor. I have been 'in the wars' as she puts it. Tripping over things, walking into things, shutting doors on my toes, bashing elbows, closing the boot of my car on my head (yes that really did happen) - long story.

That, coupled with the fact that I have had persistant headaches for the past week or so, to the point of being bedridden yesterday with a migrane has bells ringing in her mind - so wants me to go see the doctor.

Chances are - I am distracted, I am trying to do too many things at a time, it's Christmas and I am stressed to the max... all of the above.

But what if..... the question always lingers.

Just thinking out loud.

Card making

Yes - sounds like an old person's persuit. But I actually really enjoy it (much to my husbands bewilderment) - it's my creative outlet every couple of months. So I thought I would start documenting the things I have made considering I usually give them away and then have nothing to show for all the classes I do!!

Bushfire near our house.

Just thought i would share what we have been able to see for the past couple of days from our house. Karnup bushfire and the bushfire sunset that followed. Scary stuff!

My Husband. The catalogue whore.

So the hubby rather enjoys sitting and having a good browse through the catalogues each week, on the search for his next ill-fated purchase.

I say ill-fated, because at this point, hubby is banned from making any decisions regarding large...or even small for that matter, purchases. Why? Well as I have previously discussed, he has a penchant for buying useless crap that he truly believes will make his life better - and because he buys these things second hand most of the time, there is always a good chance that they will not work.

Like the video camera. And the Holden Vectra. And the 45 lunchboxes, and most recently, the Toyota Townace.

Now, the toyota is running, and well I might add.....now..... but it was looking dubious for a while, and we have discovered that the wheels have been modified to allow for larger tyres, which means the tyres will have to be changed more often, and each tyre will cost 200 dollars. Yippee.

So catalogues. I had to laugh (and then again when I was thinking about writing this blog) today - while out and about running various errands, we found ourselves in the vicinity of Barbeques Galore. We had seen in their catalogue a pizza block that we both identified as something we would like to get. I mentioned the pizza block, and immediately got this reaction....

'Oh I need to go there today to have a look at smokers...'
'Look at what now????'
'Smokers'
'yeah...no.'
'No i NEED to go there TODAY! I have a need to smoke some meat!!'

WTF.

Like I say. Banned from making purchase decisions. And with good reason.

Might have to start disposing of the catalogues before he gets home from now on. Just as soon as I have finished reading them :P

Careful - it's about to get crazy up in here....

AAAARRRGGGHHH! It's here! It's time!


Once a year, for about a month and a half, I regress to my childhood. IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!! Yep - i am one of those annoying people who fricken LOVE christmas, and go all out to celebrate it.

Probably because my mother really, really didn't.

As kids we never had a christmas tree. Mum hates plastic trees, so instead we would have to find a pot plant to decorate with the 20 year old bits of tinsel tucked far away in the back of the cupboard.

Now before I go any further, I feel the need to make sure you understand - no my mother is not the grinch. No she is not mean, no she is not heartless. But she IS strictly athiest, and celebrating religious holidays just goes against everything she believes in.

Anywhoo as I was saying - no tree, crappy old tinsel.

We would get a couple of presents under the tree, but the majority of our presents were made up of our school supplies for the next year. I thought that was perfectly normal until (as an adult) it would come up in conversation and people would look at me with complete horror.

In our stockings we would get oranges, apples... and apricot pieces. If you don't know what apricot pieces are - you will find them in the nut or health food sections of the supermarket. They are apricot squares with coconut around the edges. In short, these were our lollies when we were kids.

So it's entirely possible that these experiences lead me to be a little .....how you say.... OTT about the festive season.

So come mid November, I start to get that excited, butterflies in the pit of my stomach feeling, knowing that within a couple of weeks, I will be able to bust out the 6ft VERY fake Christmas tree and get my cheer on!

Now I, like my mother am not religious, and I try not to become the biggest hyprocrite in the world during this time. Instead, I choose to see Christmas as not only a religious holiday, but as the one time of the year that insists all members of the family come together in celebration of one another. That, to me, is the most important thing.

So here we are!!! The time has come!


Christmas tree goes up this weekend bitches!! :P

Byte me

How did we function before the internet???

I vaguely remember those days - I don't recall them being particularly difficult - but the concept of taking away my internet these days quite seriously brings on a cold sweat and my life flashing before my eyes....

Shopping, paying bills, booking flights, checking the weather, finding out about anything and EVERYTHING! (Google I swear to god you have single handedly changed my life) song lyrics, banking, catching up with friends, job hunting, news and current affairs, television, business!! Basically ALL the things I do on a daily basis require the internet.

And yes, I realise the irony of writing on the internet about how much we rely on the internet.

It used to be geek territory, but now the internet is free reign for everyone - the young, the old and (sadly) the peverted. My 65 year old step mother is on Facebook for goodness sake! In the old days you worried about your parents hearing from your friend's parents or the town's big mouth about your weekend antics - NOW you have your grandparents stalking your profile to keep up with your latest indiscretion.

Anywhooo I feel I may be getting off topic here somehow... I guess the point is there are pro's and con's to the internet, but I'm very much pro. My life comes to a standstill without it. They talk about the fact that the internet will at some point collapse under it's own data load... For me thats the Apocolypse I'm truly afraid of!

Bring me salvation by the Terrabyte.

Some days....

One of my good friends said something the other day that has stuck with me.... She said 'You know, I thought I worked hard in my job. But being a mother is so much harder'

True dat.

You know how when you are in high school you look back on primary school and wish you could have it that easy again? Then when you enter the workforce - you look back on high school in the same way?

Yeh... having kids is the next step of that pattern. People tell you it's the hardest job you will ever have to do, they say the hours are long, the pay is rotten, but the rewards outstrip the downfall....

But you really don't know how true all of that is until you do it yourself.... well all except the rewards part... I'm still weighing up the pro's and con's (it's been a particularly trying day). If someone put the 'motherhood' contract in front of you and asked you to sign - outlining the role and remunerations, you would have to be on crack to sign on the dotted line. But yes, of course there are great rewards - seeing your child walk for the first time, say mum or even dad (:P) for the first time, the first hug, the first kiss, watching them learn and grow. All completely awesome - no question.

But if we REALLY knew what we were in for, would we still do it? Without experiencing the good parts of parenthood, I think we would all tuck tail and run. Thank goodness science hasn't managed to completely control human reproduction!

Do I regret having kids? No. I really don't. It's the great thing about nature - makes it impossible to regret your kids :P
Oh by the way - I'm not excluding Fathers and the important role they play - but I'm not one - so trying to include them in this discussion would be futile.

Anyway - I take comfort in the fact that life always comes a full circle - and they will have to feed me and wipe my bum when I'm too old to do it myself, and with science advancements - I reckon I could make it to at least 120 .

Suckers.

You wanna.....?

So here's the skinny on 'the wedding night'. You think that after this amazing day and unbelievable party you will get back to your room, spend a couple of minutes ripping at each other's clothes and collapse in a sweaty pile on the bed.

Yeh...... no.

Amazing day..... check.

Unbelievable party..... check.

My wedding day was awesome. I loved it. Every moment was one worth remembering. But when the venue shut it's doors, and we meandered our way back to our room, we spent an hour or so drinking coffee and eating sausage sandwiches with the bridesmaids, talking semi drunken crap until - exhausted - we crawled into bed and.... wait for it..... SLEPT.

Scandalous isn't it!?

Do I actually care about the lack of X rated action? Nope. Not one little bit. We had a brilliant day - couldn't have asked for more. So big deal.

Not like we didn't make up for it later :P

I'm Baaaaacccckkk

Wow. It's been a long time. Not really by choice - in the lead up to the wedding there just wasn't time. But now i am Mrs Burrows :P it's time to get back in the saddle. Expect a lot more blogging from now on.....

Haven't you had a drink before?

So... I've had this small problem the past week or so. Far too many times now, I have attempted to drink a beverage (as you do) and found myself hacking up a lung, because I have somehow managed to BREATHE the beverage instead of simply drink it as normal people do.

MOTH has witnessed this on several occasions, and the most assistance I am offered is a feeble 'You ok?' from deep within his laptop. So there I am - bent over, coughing up a storm, tears running down my cheeks, unable to draw breath... well you get the idea.

'Haven't you had a drink before?'


RUDE.

Fast forward to tonight.
'Make me a coffee and i will help with the dishes?'
'Ugh fine'

MOTH takes his first sip and... the coughing starts.

All i could do was laugh while he was there.. bent over, coughing up a storm, tears running down his cheeks, unable to draw breath... well you get the idea.

Now THAT is karma.

No really... I love it....

I love Christmas. Always have. Probably because when I was young, my mother and step father really had no interest in celebrating a religious holiday when they themselves are not religious. Which is fair enough really - but for a kid it clearly sucks.

So every year I was always the driving force behind every Christmas - Mum hates plastic trees, so I used whatever pot plant was available and draped it in 20 year old bits of tinsel. Once I got a bit older, I saved up money i earnt from doing jobs around the farm and spent it on Christmas lights and made my step father help me drape the house from top to bottom in electrical wiring.

I'm also a bit mental when i comes to presents. I LOVE the feeling when someone is blown away by the present you have given them - and it's not about the monetary value of the gift (although sometimes that comes in to it) - it's more about finding something that you KNOW they will love, need, will think of you every time they look at it. I love unique gifts. things made by hand, or thought up from scratch. And by that I don't mean the hideous painting of a sail boat that Aunty Flo painted for you, or clearly un-water tight vase made out of clay from Red Dot.

So the prospect of having kids to share the joy of Christmas with was very exciting to me. Well as it turns out - children are more fickle than I ever expected.

I don't want to say they have ruined Christmas for me - because it's not really their fault - they aren't aware of their impact, and it's really just a reflection on society as a whole - BUT I think it's fair to say that the bloom is off the rose. Now, when giving children presents, I almost cringe in fear - waiting for the inevitable 'where's the rest of our presents?' or.. 'But I asked for...'

I may have been this greedy when I was a child (Mum?) but I don't remember being so. I do recall my brother being given a teddy bear from our Nanna, and him turning around and saying 'I don't like it'. I was mortified... I couldn't think of anything more embarrassing! So i quickly jumped in and stated that I liked the bear, and if he didn't, I would have it.

So in an attempt to try and teach my children (if no-one elses) some sense of responsibility and and humility, we have until now, gone out and bought small gifts for children who otherwise would not receive gifts at Christmas. And that has been good - but now that the kids have more toys than they know what to do with, this year I will be encouraging them to give away something of theirs before they receive anything new (much to their father's horror)

Clearly it's not even close to Christmas - but the same principle applies for all gift giving occasions, and I am smack bang in the middle of kids birthdays season at the moment, so it's something I have been thinking about.

Sigh... I need a bex and a lie down.

Men Buy Such Useless Crap

I wonder if cavemen used to head off from the family cave of a morning and come back in the afternoon with a dead animal over one shoulder, and an armful of crap that they truly believed would improve their lives.

In my case, MOTH tends to buy things he clearly doesn't need, but truly believes he does. Whether it's because it gives him a small sense of control or what i don't know. But he went through a stage where he had to find THE lunchbox to take food to work with him. Not A lunchbox. THE lunchbox. Every time we went near Target or Big W he had to have a look at their range of lunchboxes and for the longest time, nothing was good enough. During a weekly shop, i found what i thought might be a good option, so bought it for him. He used it once. About a week later he comes home with ANOTHER lunchbox - some fandangled thing which came with promises of superior space, freshness and insulation. He used it maybe once. Now they sit... like toys a month after Christmas. Abandoned and alone.

I could tell a million stories like this one, but really who has the time. I will just tell you of the latest insane purchase and we will leave it at that. MOTH recently discovered a local website for second hand goods being sold privately. One afternoon i get a call saying
'by the way, going to be late getting home tonight - i'm going to pick up a video camera'...... 'you're what?'
'Yeh it was only 10 bucks' .....
3 HOURS LATER after getting lost more times than i can count, MOTH eventually arrives home with THE camera.
'You're joking'...
'What?'
'Does it even work?'
'Yeh of course it does....we just need to get tapes'......
'Tapes... you do realise this camera is from the mid 90's?'
'She'll be right'....

So now the camera sits... abandoned and alone.

But if it's not spending money on things that never get used, it's things that cost nothing. Just ask my mum. Since the early 90's my step-father has been collecting rocks of all shapes and sizes utterly convinced that each and every one of them served a purpose at one time or another
'See how this one has been ground to a point?'
'Ahuh...'
'That would have been used perhaps as an axehead'
'ahuh...'.

They aren't rocks.. they are ARTEFACTS. Buckets and buckets of invaluable artefacts sitting... abandoned and alone.

Men.

Man Stroke Woman - Man Cold

Man Cold

For God's sake woman, He's a man... he's got a man cold

My favourite video of the week. Mainly because it's so true, AND because after weeks of our family being hit by the dreaded lurgie, and the man of the house postulating about his invincibility to such illnesses, he has finally been struck down.

Of course there is a small amount of smugness on my part 'Not so invincible hey?' But the flip side of that snotty coin is the fact that this isn't JUST a cold... it's a MAN COLD. For weeks i have worked through the snot, the sneezing and eventual chest infection - and not a word. No 'you have a nap, i will take care of things' or 'can i get you a hot lemon and honey drink to sooth your ailing throat?'. And you know what? I am ok with it. I'm a big girl - i can take care of myself.

The part that amuses me is that when the tables are turned there's groaning and grumbling and the constant lamenting of 'but i'm sick!'. Now please take this in the spirit it is intended. I am not complaining about the MOTH specifically. It's not his fault. It's a man thing.

They are genetically incapable of taking care of themselves and sadly as women we pick up the slack. Damn those nurturing impulses. Sure... we can argue the point, try to make them move regardless of their sloth-like state and nag... but at the end of the day you both know it's so much less effort to just get things done and let them cucoon themselves in their sad little man cold existance until they emerge renewed and once again... invincible.

Everyone Look At Your Pants!

You can dance, you can dance... everyone look at your pants...

As someone who grew up without television, and subsequently missed the whole 'Simpson's' fad, i never got why Homer singing 'Safety Dance' with those lyrics was amusing... until this week. I started to sing along to the 'Glee' Ad, and realised i was singing the wrong words! Well really... who the hell has sat down and had a good listen to the lyrics of 'Safety Dance'??

Thanks for clearing that up for me 'Glee'.

That is all.

Where To Start...

I have noticed a disturbing trend.

Since becoming a mother a year and a half ago, i have discovered that there is an awful lot that people don't tell you about being a parent. From pregnancy through to every-day dramas, i have a light bulb moment at least once a day where i think 'Wait! No-one told me...'

And once i realised that i was writing a blog in my head (Carrie from Sex in the City style), i decided to put finger to keyboard. I mean, i don't think i am the smartest person in the world, but i'm not stupid... so if i have these questions - surely other people do too??

That and i need to get this stuff out of my head!

So here it is - a blog of my mental meanderings. Read it, don't read it... I don't mind :)