Haven't you had a drink before?

So... I've had this small problem the past week or so. Far too many times now, I have attempted to drink a beverage (as you do) and found myself hacking up a lung, because I have somehow managed to BREATHE the beverage instead of simply drink it as normal people do.

MOTH has witnessed this on several occasions, and the most assistance I am offered is a feeble 'You ok?' from deep within his laptop. So there I am - bent over, coughing up a storm, tears running down my cheeks, unable to draw breath... well you get the idea.

'Haven't you had a drink before?'


RUDE.

Fast forward to tonight.
'Make me a coffee and i will help with the dishes?'
'Ugh fine'

MOTH takes his first sip and... the coughing starts.

All i could do was laugh while he was there.. bent over, coughing up a storm, tears running down his cheeks, unable to draw breath... well you get the idea.

Now THAT is karma.

No really... I love it....

I love Christmas. Always have. Probably because when I was young, my mother and step father really had no interest in celebrating a religious holiday when they themselves are not religious. Which is fair enough really - but for a kid it clearly sucks.

So every year I was always the driving force behind every Christmas - Mum hates plastic trees, so I used whatever pot plant was available and draped it in 20 year old bits of tinsel. Once I got a bit older, I saved up money i earnt from doing jobs around the farm and spent it on Christmas lights and made my step father help me drape the house from top to bottom in electrical wiring.

I'm also a bit mental when i comes to presents. I LOVE the feeling when someone is blown away by the present you have given them - and it's not about the monetary value of the gift (although sometimes that comes in to it) - it's more about finding something that you KNOW they will love, need, will think of you every time they look at it. I love unique gifts. things made by hand, or thought up from scratch. And by that I don't mean the hideous painting of a sail boat that Aunty Flo painted for you, or clearly un-water tight vase made out of clay from Red Dot.

So the prospect of having kids to share the joy of Christmas with was very exciting to me. Well as it turns out - children are more fickle than I ever expected.

I don't want to say they have ruined Christmas for me - because it's not really their fault - they aren't aware of their impact, and it's really just a reflection on society as a whole - BUT I think it's fair to say that the bloom is off the rose. Now, when giving children presents, I almost cringe in fear - waiting for the inevitable 'where's the rest of our presents?' or.. 'But I asked for...'

I may have been this greedy when I was a child (Mum?) but I don't remember being so. I do recall my brother being given a teddy bear from our Nanna, and him turning around and saying 'I don't like it'. I was mortified... I couldn't think of anything more embarrassing! So i quickly jumped in and stated that I liked the bear, and if he didn't, I would have it.

So in an attempt to try and teach my children (if no-one elses) some sense of responsibility and and humility, we have until now, gone out and bought small gifts for children who otherwise would not receive gifts at Christmas. And that has been good - but now that the kids have more toys than they know what to do with, this year I will be encouraging them to give away something of theirs before they receive anything new (much to their father's horror)

Clearly it's not even close to Christmas - but the same principle applies for all gift giving occasions, and I am smack bang in the middle of kids birthdays season at the moment, so it's something I have been thinking about.

Sigh... I need a bex and a lie down.

Men Buy Such Useless Crap

I wonder if cavemen used to head off from the family cave of a morning and come back in the afternoon with a dead animal over one shoulder, and an armful of crap that they truly believed would improve their lives.

In my case, MOTH tends to buy things he clearly doesn't need, but truly believes he does. Whether it's because it gives him a small sense of control or what i don't know. But he went through a stage where he had to find THE lunchbox to take food to work with him. Not A lunchbox. THE lunchbox. Every time we went near Target or Big W he had to have a look at their range of lunchboxes and for the longest time, nothing was good enough. During a weekly shop, i found what i thought might be a good option, so bought it for him. He used it once. About a week later he comes home with ANOTHER lunchbox - some fandangled thing which came with promises of superior space, freshness and insulation. He used it maybe once. Now they sit... like toys a month after Christmas. Abandoned and alone.

I could tell a million stories like this one, but really who has the time. I will just tell you of the latest insane purchase and we will leave it at that. MOTH recently discovered a local website for second hand goods being sold privately. One afternoon i get a call saying
'by the way, going to be late getting home tonight - i'm going to pick up a video camera'...... 'you're what?'
'Yeh it was only 10 bucks' .....
3 HOURS LATER after getting lost more times than i can count, MOTH eventually arrives home with THE camera.
'You're joking'...
'What?'
'Does it even work?'
'Yeh of course it does....we just need to get tapes'......
'Tapes... you do realise this camera is from the mid 90's?'
'She'll be right'....

So now the camera sits... abandoned and alone.

But if it's not spending money on things that never get used, it's things that cost nothing. Just ask my mum. Since the early 90's my step-father has been collecting rocks of all shapes and sizes utterly convinced that each and every one of them served a purpose at one time or another
'See how this one has been ground to a point?'
'Ahuh...'
'That would have been used perhaps as an axehead'
'ahuh...'.

They aren't rocks.. they are ARTEFACTS. Buckets and buckets of invaluable artefacts sitting... abandoned and alone.

Men.

Man Stroke Woman - Man Cold

Man Cold

For God's sake woman, He's a man... he's got a man cold

My favourite video of the week. Mainly because it's so true, AND because after weeks of our family being hit by the dreaded lurgie, and the man of the house postulating about his invincibility to such illnesses, he has finally been struck down.

Of course there is a small amount of smugness on my part 'Not so invincible hey?' But the flip side of that snotty coin is the fact that this isn't JUST a cold... it's a MAN COLD. For weeks i have worked through the snot, the sneezing and eventual chest infection - and not a word. No 'you have a nap, i will take care of things' or 'can i get you a hot lemon and honey drink to sooth your ailing throat?'. And you know what? I am ok with it. I'm a big girl - i can take care of myself.

The part that amuses me is that when the tables are turned there's groaning and grumbling and the constant lamenting of 'but i'm sick!'. Now please take this in the spirit it is intended. I am not complaining about the MOTH specifically. It's not his fault. It's a man thing.

They are genetically incapable of taking care of themselves and sadly as women we pick up the slack. Damn those nurturing impulses. Sure... we can argue the point, try to make them move regardless of their sloth-like state and nag... but at the end of the day you both know it's so much less effort to just get things done and let them cucoon themselves in their sad little man cold existance until they emerge renewed and once again... invincible.

Everyone Look At Your Pants!

You can dance, you can dance... everyone look at your pants...

As someone who grew up without television, and subsequently missed the whole 'Simpson's' fad, i never got why Homer singing 'Safety Dance' with those lyrics was amusing... until this week. I started to sing along to the 'Glee' Ad, and realised i was singing the wrong words! Well really... who the hell has sat down and had a good listen to the lyrics of 'Safety Dance'??

Thanks for clearing that up for me 'Glee'.

That is all.

Where To Start...

I have noticed a disturbing trend.

Since becoming a mother a year and a half ago, i have discovered that there is an awful lot that people don't tell you about being a parent. From pregnancy through to every-day dramas, i have a light bulb moment at least once a day where i think 'Wait! No-one told me...'

And once i realised that i was writing a blog in my head (Carrie from Sex in the City style), i decided to put finger to keyboard. I mean, i don't think i am the smartest person in the world, but i'm not stupid... so if i have these questions - surely other people do too??

That and i need to get this stuff out of my head!

So here it is - a blog of my mental meanderings. Read it, don't read it... I don't mind :)